I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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