No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
