Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
