if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
