Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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