I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
