All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
