Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
