I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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