Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
