there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
