R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
