talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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