It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
