I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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