You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My friends, they love my intelligence
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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