i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
