can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
