I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
