is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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