dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We need a shit load of segways right now
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
