This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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