i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
