Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
