I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is Oprah even human
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