Sry I called you an 8
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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