judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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