Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
