Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
