How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
