I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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