Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
