I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
