During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
