So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
