woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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