Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I love you. Go after that dick
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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