im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
bring money and cleavage
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
40s are totally the cure
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
