So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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