The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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