I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
