I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
