I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
