I am puke
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
