you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
