well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
