Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
