Bisexual people are plain selfish.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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