If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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