i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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