I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
